2 years later & yet writing about this still feels wrong; like I'm not supposed to be doing it. I shouldn't be putting my pen to paper, but right now I have to. CK will forever be a huge piece of my heart, and missing him a part of my life. The last thing I ever wanted to do was write this. I wanted to tell my kids stories someday of Chris and I's months long escapade all throughout Thailand. I'd tell them how we rode through the country on elephants and vespas, and how their Uncle Chris wouldn't settle on any hotel unless it was the JW Marriott, "J-Dub" as he called it. We'd reminisce for our whole lives on the freedom we would've both felt being there, together. The phenomenon that adventure isn't to be troubles me. 2 years later and I still question how we could be on entirely different planes. I still wonder how God could allow someone as beautiful as him to leave before his time. I'd be lying hideously to say I don't think about him every day. His absence hurts as much as it did 2 years ago; that's the truth. CK not being here will always feel wrong. But, today, I also reflect on everything that's gone right in these last couple years; finding family in friends, dreaming new dreams, and the words before you to name a few. I know Chris is still dreaming these dreams alongside me. He's still with me driving down the coast, in awe of the vastness of the ocean. He hears my voice in heaven at every concert. He accompanies me everywhere, I know it. Over the last two years, I've realized that although Chris isn't here, my dreams can still become real. I can chase them. It isn't wrong. In fact, it is fabulously right. It's what he would've wanted. That deep, intense, fiery, abundant, unapologetic happiness is what he wants for everyone he loved. Chris, I promise you I'll live that, and I'll live it for you. I can't wait to tell you about it in person some day.
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