oh perfectionism

hello, old friend. our connection is undeniable although we've never met. i've searched for you and ridiculed myself for every failed attempt. i've beaten myself constantly hoping one day i'll hold your hand. and in the blessing taken form in friends and love who remind me who i am when i forget, i've begun to realize our relationship was never real. you won't bring me growth. you won't bring me joy. you don't love me back, but rather instill that i will never be good enough. and while 21 years on this earth seems both a long and short time, i've finally begun to realize that i don't want to be your friend. i hope to be friends with failure, because it brings lessons that lead to blessings. i long for creativity, and to express without fear of judgement. i search for goodness and compassion- they are everywhere. and for connection, true and real love that knows no boundaries, that breaks through the mold and tells you you're home. oh hello peace, it's nice to meet you. you're someone who i've never envisioned finding, but i hope to bridge the gap between us two. the lessons and learning and thinking and crying and loving and wishing and hoping i have been doing has pointed me to you. i can only hope for the courage, willingness to fail, willingness to share and show my shortcomings and be fully honest above all else, the mirror. i hope i will find my way to you. because i have learned that life is now and now is good enough. now is special and oh so wonderful. oh so wonderful.